Fall out of the royal flutter!

Shashi Tharoor’s unwitting twit may have caused a royal flutter amongst the Congress flock, but there could be other consequences of his act:

Social consequences:

1.Mass migration of social butterflies and birds from other netwotking sites such as FB to twitter.(What, you DON’T have a twitter account? Oh, you poor darling!)

2.Books written on Tharoor’s life, with titles like:
a.Humour(less) in a Lungi (or is it Mundu?)
b.Cat(tle) Call
c.‘My Life’, as (T)witnessed by a ‘Holy Cow’

Consequences on the English language:

1.‘Bird- brained’:
a.Earlier: adj., meaning dim witted, small brained
b.Now: adj., meaning a very sharp and active mind able to deliver the meaning in as few words as possible, in short, a twit.

2.‘Cow’ering:
a.Earlier: adj., crouching in fear
b.Now: adj., giving it back in befitting terms, invoking the blessings of the ‘holy cow’

3.Cattle:
a.Earlier: noun, meaning animals of pasture
b.Now: verb, meaning to rattle all ‘holy cows’, with apt remarks, show the ‘holy cows’ their place

4.Holy cows:
a.Earlier: phrase, meaning “sacrosanct issues or principles that no one dares challenge”(acc to Mr. Tharoor)
b.Now: phrase, meaning a group of individuals deficient in a special gene called ‘humour’, fairly common in the masses, but rarely found in politicians.

5.Cattle class:
a.Earlier: phrase, meaning economy class, where everyone is herded like cattle
b.Now: phrase, meaning a class of individuals who are easily rattled by ‘holy cow’ remarks, who huddle together to think of new strategies to overcome and overpower the ‘twit’ who made them

Consequences on trade:

1.The biggest beneficiary of this issue will be the satta trade. It will make more money on trying to figure out whether Tharoor will be in or out, than on cricket, and will go crazy trying to decipher whether Jayanthi Natarajan’s remarks should be given more weightage than Manmohan Singh’s

There wii be new bets too:

a.Whether Jayanthi Natarajan is in or out

b.Whether Manmohan Singh is in or out

c.Whether the masses will get the joke, and start reading P G Wodehouse

d.Whether the masses will take the term ‘holy cow’ at face value, and take on Jayanthi Natarajan for disallowing Shashi Tharoor to call our most sacred animal ‘holy’

e.Whether Shashi Tharoor will become minitser for Animal Husbandry

f.Whether Shashi Tharoor will use this controversy to make a firmer place in the minds of the masses (after all, from now on, no news paper reading Indian will ever be able to separate the images of a cud chewing cow and the Mundu clad Tharoor), or not

For other similar serious consequences that may have been overlooked here, please contact writer of this piece. Let me warn you, one consequence of your act could be the displacement of Katrina Kaif as the most searched name on www.google.com!

Freebies for our media and politicians!

Things I would like to gift the media and our politicians:

1.Transparent environment friendly reusable plastic wraps for the media companies to use whenever they have egg on their faces, which is every time they withdraw an earlier statement made by an “authentic source”, (once every two hours).

2.“Delete Repeated Word” gadget for Karnab Mowswami. It can be strapped to his throat, and every time he repeats a word (for example, Ravi Jhankar Prasad's first name) nine times (Ravi, ravi, ravi, r-ravi….), the gadget will let us hear it just once, The rest of the time, Karnab’s mouth will be seen moving, but we won't hear the earlier-ok-but-now-offending word. As a result, we won't get irritated, won't grab the remote and throw it at the TV, and won't have to buy a new one when the husband wants to watch golf.

3.A seat in nursery class of the best school in the country for Mr. L.K. Dad-vani to teach him how to share. He will begin with toffees, oranges, etc. and gradually move up to things like seating space, so that by the time his classmates have moved to Class 12, he will have a tiny understanding of the concept.

4.A free one night’s stay in the house of Kalavati, (the woman in whose house the crown prince stayed, whom he may like to thank for inspiring his speeches on austerity) for Mr. Mushy Zaroor, so he can learn some more facts about 'privacy' (in a single room hut, you just look the other way when you want it), and ‘gymming’ (early morning walks in the fields, sowing, ploughing, carrying huge stacks of farm produce from one place to another which are right next door—just two to three kilometers away!). Kalavati’s permission will be sought, of course, and enough notice given to her to suitably prepare the place (like ensuring all her family members and the cow and new born calf are there at the time, for a realistic, rich experience).

5.Geography lessons for our netas who travel by chopper whenever and wherever they want to. These will be simple uncomplicated lessons, keeping in mind the attention span and learning (dis)abilities of the learners.

For example, the teacher will point to the sky and say (in the same way they say in small village schools) ,
Teacher: “What are those in the sky?”
Netas: “Black Clouds, teacher”.
Teacher: “What happens when the black clouds come?”
Netas: “It rains, teacher”.
Teacher: “What should we not do when it rains?”
Netas: “We should not fly in choppers, teacher.”
Teacher: “Good netas. Chandra, behave! Stop trying to teach Chagan yourself! You learned this lesson only after his father forgot his.”

6.A “you are second, not first” plaque for Mr. Arun Johary, for trying to say the same things that Mr. Raswant Singh said, in a different way, so that others are fooled into thinking he’s saying something new.
In fact, he will get two plaques. The second one will say,“Why didn’t I think of this idea before Raswant?”

7.A ‘you can do better’ badge’ for the Aar Ess Ess, for trying to convert a party into a group of overgrown school boys.

8.A ‘you can do worse’ badge for the Bee Jay Pee, for trying to convert a group of overgrown school boys into a party

9.A large hamper of tissues for the entire Kongrez Party, who keep crying every time the big Boss excludes them from her sweeping gaze.

And finally (this one's for me), a remote island to run away from all the parties affected by this piece! Dr. Vijay Mallya, Sir Richard Branson, are you listening, or shall I send you some gifts as well??!!

Egg on our faces?

Recently, amid all the indignation at the government’s insensitivity and unfairness to the Indian soldier, who, incidentally, has been chosen by the public as the icon of the year, one TV channel lamented the comments of a politician. Apparently, the politician had questioned the entitled rations of service personnel, specifically the number of eggs they get per week!

As the media is uncovering more such 'alarming' acts of 'treason', there is growing public anger at the treatment meted out to the Armed Forces by the government, the civilian administration, its own senior officers, etc. The constant updates about the Sixth Pay Commission have been moved from Page Somewhere Inside to Page One.

This attention is all very welcome, and the people's efforts to understand the actual role of the soldier on the ground is very heartening. The trouble is, do we thank Pakistan or the terrorists for their assistance in highlighting the just cause of the disparity in pay and other matters? For, once again, only when the nation is in collective dread do the Armed Forces seem to evince support and understanding.

It has been my observation that the nation and the media tends to focus on the Indian soldier when they are scared, ignorant and uncertain. It may sound a bit harsh considering the efforts of the media in bringing back the spotlight on matters that the government seemed to be dragging its feet over.

However, my mind fears the fact that once they are done campaigning for the appropriate financial compensation of the men in uniform, they will carry on with their daily lives, much like an individual does after he has employed a security guard, holding him and him alone responsible for any breach of security.

What after once all the due compensations have been given? In case the Army fails to perform 'well' as perceived by the media and the public, then will the media campaign again to take back those privileges?

Accountability to the taxpaying public is important, especially in a true democracy. But does the onus of vigilance, protection, and security lie only on the head of the soldier?

Isn't an individual too a part of the whole process of security, of which the armed forces are an important and large one, and he or she a small one? Doesn’t he or she need to have ownership of this process, and not only monitor or pass the buck, but to partake in the activity itself?

On sharing these thoughts with my friends, I have had many questions asked, like how do they go about it, without a clue on to how to begin. My answer to them is that I don't mean one should get enrolled for combat training to contribute!

All of us can be a soldier in our own ways. But like Rome wasn't built in day, a responsible citizen too is not made in a day. This quality has to be deeply ingrained and a way of life, starting with very small and obvious things.

A step by step method would, in my opinion, unfold something like this.

Number One: All citizens can begin by inculcating in ourselves a sense of dicipline and efficiency , something that is deeply admired and respected by all citizens, but never enough to be emulated. This is the basic building block of the armed forces.

Number Two: Start THINKING secular. The only truly secular person in this country is the Indian soldier. If we could imbibe this aspect to begin with, it would naturally lead to a feeling of identification with this land, and its diverse people.

Number Three: Travel within the country extensively, and see how people in all parts live. Patriotism in the soldier is not some theatrical emotion, but a deep feeling that comes with not sightseeing but actually living in all corners of the country. This is the real reson for the soldier to feel one with India. We Indians prefer going 'abroad' than exploring our own country. Even a lifetime is not enough to see it all!

Number Four: Get out of our comfort zones, experience a bit of roughing it. Adversity and tough living conditions are what makes the soldier mentally and physically tough. I must narrate a small example that was given to me by an Infantry Officer. He said that once the Indian and the American Army had a joint exercise.While the American backpacks, apart from the ammunition, contained video games, assorted packaged food, mineral water, tablets to purify other drinking water, etc. the Indian backpack carried ‘skakkar para’(home made sweetened balls of wheat flour), and ordinary bottles of water and of course ammunition. They sing and dance to entertain themselves. No fancy video games!

Number Five: Spend more time with the family. Especially in tough times like these, family support and love count far more than money. So, forgo a well paying job that offers more money for one that may give less, but promotes mental well being and nurturing of relationships. These are what can bail out a person of difficulties, even financial ones, and not some impersonal bank.

Number Six: Play games. Real games, as in sports. How many people play games other than boardroom,political or computer games? Too much time is spent in front of the computer screens and TV. In the services, there is strong emphasis on being in shape, as it toughens the mind too, which brings me to the last, most significant point of my discussion.

Number seven: How do you think a handful of terrorists held a siege over Mumbai?After seeing the way ten , undoubtedly, armed people held an entire city to ransom for sixty hours, do we still doubt the power of the human mind? The soldier and his entire family is MENTALLY perpared to deal with DEATH. In fact the soldier’s biggest weapon is his mind! So, stop prophesizing and circulating Doomsday theories, and concentrate your energies on positive thinking.

While the Indian Armed Forces are quite capable of handling the defence of our country, I feel true victory can be ours only if each and every individual embarks on this self improvement program that will help us bond as people of one country. Maybe, then our nation will be secure from outside threats, and the Indian soldier will not land up with egg on his face!

Is religion to blame?

The Mumbai terror attacks have once again brought the spotlight on Muslims in India and abroad. Yesterday, on a private English news channel, one guest,during a discussion on whether tighter terror laws would help, said that he was very glad he did not have a muslim surname, for he feared what he might have been subjected to if that was the case.

Why blame religion, and a particular one at that, for the evils of today? Blame the interpreters, the so called 'custodians' or the self appointed keepers of these religions. In the same manner that we said 'NO taxes", can we also say "no mullahs, no priests, no pundits?"

We have been blessed with sound intellect, reasoning ability and logical skills. We have elders in our homes, who have a wealth of experience of life. Then why do we give more importance to rituals, ceremonies, God men than common sense?

Religion, to me, is actually a particular community's combined wisdom, there for the next generations to benefit from, so that they may go farther and do better than the previous ones.

Wisdom can be shared but never compared. In fact, like the English language, it can borrow from each other to become richer and more relevant. Exclusion always denies knowledge. Imagine if each religion studied others and borrowed from each other to enhance their own!

Can any of the terrorists claim to have read even one of the holy books? The fourth standard pass Kasab may not have read even the Koran in its original state, forget about the Ramayan and the Mahabharat. How many non-Muslims could claim to have read the Koran? How many non Christians would have read the Bible? Maybe the few sane voices that we hear belong to this tiny minority!

Since most of these texts are written in languages long forgotten, they are interpreted at will by manipulative people. The real terrorists are these people who manipulate the meanings of these old texts to suit their gory purposes.

When we logical beings always ask for proof for even the smallest of things, how do we accept opinions that have such a huge consequence without checking out for ourselves?

Also, are we brave enough to stand up and say that since some of these texts were written for a different time, they may not all be relevant today in totality? It does not mean that we are debunking an entire way of thinking, but adapting it to suit the times. Its like how we use a constitution or a school curriculum, constantly amending and reframing it to keep it relevant.

A knife is not evil by itself. It depends on the user and the use it is put to. In a chef's hands it is perfectly harmless, but becomes lethal in the hands of a killer. The intent of religion by itself is not bad. But in the hands of wrong and negative people it can bring in the end of the world.

The fault is ours, who persist in looking outside ourselves for a religious experience. All religious texts like the Koran, the Ramayan, the Bible, and others, were the result of deep meditation and introspection, and observation of the way of life. Religion was supposed to guide us to a more fulfilling and enriched life, not become slaves to it.If we allow our minds to follow our instints without insecurity, we can sense religion and spirituality deep within us, without the aid of texts, priests, mullahs and god men.

The trouble starts when our insecurities and fears, rather than a deep happiness at being born, make us seek religion. This makes us doubt our own ability to find it, and we turn to supposedly 'learned custodians.'

Pride India

This happened a year ago. I was travelling by train from Indore to Mumbai. I had just concluded a hectic six day workshop at one of the city's premier schools.

As I stowed my suitcase under the aisle berth, I looked forward to a good night's sleep.

The coach was an A.C 2 tier, and the four passengers in the coupe were already in their seats. Two men, two women. Perfect.

One of the men, the younger one, looked a little weird, I thought. His face was a little lopsided, with the symmetry slightly askew. He had very short, almost crew cut hair.

Not wanting to stare, I hung my handbag on the peg above my berth, and settled down on it. I then pulled out my mobile phone and dialled my husband's number to give him a "sit rep"('situation report').
While I was on the phone, three well built young men came in and plonked themselves on my seat. Asking my husband to hold the line, I looked enquiringly at them. One of them pointed to the berth above mine, signalling that it was his. I nodded and went back to my conversation.

As I spoke, the three, while laughing and joking amongst themselves, slowly started hogging up more and more of the berth, while I shrunk more and more into one corner, until I reached the extreme limit of shrinking. Extremely cramped, I cut off my phone conversation, and declared to the three that I wanted to lie down and would they please move out?

One of them pointed to a notice stuck above the berth that said that passengers could use the berth to lie down only after 9 p.m. Until then everyone had to sit.

Before I could give a fitting reply, several of which were on the tip of my tongue, and without my realising it, the young man with the lop sided face was beside me. In a very soft, calm manner, but with a cold gaze, he asked the three to get up and move to the next coupe. The three men looked at my 'rescuer', one of them looked ready to say something, but one look at the young man's eyes, and they quietly moved out.

I turned around to thank the young man, and his "Not at all, Ma'am", gave away, to me, his profession.
"Are you in the services?"
"Yes, Ma'am. Infantry. Came to Mhow for a short course."
"My father and father-in-law were both in the Army."

One question led to another, and our conversation soon turned to the current situation in the country, and especially in Kashmir.

By now our co passengers (excluding the young man who had left with his friends) had joined in. None of them had ever been north of Delhi, and they more than I, wanted to get a first hand account of how bad things were in the valley.

The Army Major (whose name I shall not disclose) then held us spell bound for the next couple of hours with his experiences, of which a few are mentioned here.

As a young officer, his first day in the unit was also the first time he killed a man (a militant), that too at close range. After the incident was over, he was distraught, and it was the care and counselling of his seniors that brought him out of his depression.

He spoke of the utmost trust and camaraderie that he shared with his unit members, which was more valuable than any money in the world, because that was what their lives depended on.

Like a true soldier, he also spoke of values and just behaviour, even towards the enemy.

Once during the Kargil war, his unit had surrounded a post occupied by Pakistani soldiers. They fought fiercely, and finally overcame the enemy. The Pak soldiers, though in mufti, fought with all their medals on, as they knew they were going to die, and wanted to die a true soldier's death. After it was over, the Indian Major had his men identify the soldiers from their I- cards, and sent a letter to their unit in Pakistan praising them, requesting that they be honoured accordingly. It was later learnt that the request had been carried out.

His own face was lop sided because it was shattered by shrapnel during the Kargil conflict. He had a rod in his back and legs, which is why he could not offer his lower berth to one of the lady passengers.

He was full of praise for the Army doctors, who reconstructed his face, and "made it almost as good as new". We all asked him what his family had to say about his new face.

"My wife and six year old daughter feel I look more handsome now", he said with a laugh.
He said the toughest job was to flush out militants holed up in houses in villages. (I was reminded of this while watching the recent Mumbai carnage).

"It's a game of extreme patience and vigilance. The exercise takes place mostly at night and entire villages are cordoned off for the task."

While the army personnel grew more experienced at tackling them over a period of time, the militants too became smarter.

"These days they aim not for the chest or head, but for the thighs, where the main artery is located. At times, if a soldier injured in the thigh is not rushed to medical help immediately, we risk losing him."

I listened spellbound, my sleep long forgotten. I could see the other passengers similarly engaged; horrified, but unable to break away. It was almost an 'ancient mariner' kind of scenario.
At one point I asked him whether he had received a bravery award for all he had done.
"No Ma'am."
"Why not?"
"Ma'am, if the Army had to give out awards to everyone who has done what I did, they would soon run out of medals. "

His answer stumped all of us. What we thought of as extraordinary bravery was in fact an everyday and routine affair for most Army personnel in Kashmir and other insurgency-hit areas.
I sat quietly, reflecting on a real life example of selfless service.

"What motivates you people?", asked one of my fellow passengers.

"Love for our country, its people, and pride in being an Indian."

This simple statement brought out the goose pimples on my arms.

I remembered how as a child whenever we went to see a movie, the National Anthem played at the end, when we all stood up to attention.
Independence Day and The Republic Day were never holidays meant to sit at home, but to go out and march and hoist the national flag.
"Jai Jawan Jai Kisan", was the slogan that popped out almost everywhere, worshipping the two different kinds of people who protected and respected Mother Earth.

We still need these two people, one to feed us and the other to protect us.

"Love for our country, its people, and pride in being an Indian."

I'm sure each one of us has the same pride buried somewhere deep down inside. Its been in the attic of our minds for far too long.
It's time we brought it out, dusted it, and displayed it proudly in the mantelpiece of our hearts, so we can see and feel it with every beat, and have our actions governed by it on a daily basis.

"Jai Jawan, jai Kisan, jai Hind."

Dial 'F' for failure

In today's world, there are so many dreams sold to us that promise eradication of the undesirable. It could be a pimple, a scar, unwanted weight, an irritating spouse, hot weather, dirt, etc. Everyone is aiming for a perfect world. Corrective gurus are espousing cleansing of the soul. Everyone is aiming to become God, and create a heaven on Earth!

Is it possible? Can an environment be a 100% "enabled"?

Ability cannot be defined as the capacity to be 'able' to do something, without the existence of 'disability'. For the creation of an 'enabled' environment, there needs to exist some disability in it.

People with an with an 'eradication' mindset need to understand the importance of the need for a disabled environment. It is the way we look at disability that needs to change, the way we feel about it. If we can get on in our lives despite disability, we are demonstrating ability. It is not necessary to eradicate it.

In our lives, we are dynamically moving towards ability from disability, even when we feel we are stuck in a situation. The feelings generated about our disability in our minds and in those of others determines the speed of our progress.

The wife of my husband's cousin is one of a family of four, who lost their father when they were very young. They faced an acute shortage of money, and their untrained mother took to teaching. Yet, she remembers her childhood to be a very happy one. She once told me, "It was not the lack of money, but how it(the lack) was viewed in the family that determined our attitudes."

Since God has made everything on this Earth, our learning must encompass acceptance along with striving. Whoever has lived life long enough knows that the mountains in our lives never cease to exist. After scaling the summit of each one, there is always another one waiting to be scaled, right till the day we die.

Let us view success that is not an eradication of failure, but the outcome of the learning from failure. Let us embrace disability and adversity, because otherwise we would be ignorant of ability. Let us deliberately court failure, in our attempt to savour true success! Let us dial "F" for failure!